Sometimes giving a fear a name and saying it out loud diminishes it to the point of obscurity. Strangers are to be feared; that which is known can be overcome.

Wind and Doors

Last night after I fell asleep, I dreamed that I was going to bed -- I remember vividly closing my bedroom door, the glow of the lamp in my room, the feeling of my hand as it closed. I remember the thought even, that I wanted it closed and then the moment's hesitation after doing it -- did I really want it closed?

I was so convinced that this actually happened that when I woke up this morning and saw my bedroom door open, I literally bolted up and gasped. Then I looked and realized I couldn't have closed my door -- the vacum cleaner is in the way, sitting right in front of it. So is my new purse. There is no way I could have closed my door with those items sitting in front of it. Dreams are interesting, aren't they?

The wind is gusting so loud oustide that it sounds like it's raining in periodic bursts. I seem to always find apartments in windy spots. In my last apartment, the wind got so strong that it literally knocked my satellite dish off of my balcony, ripping it loose from zip ties that held it in place. I suppose Windy Ridge Lane was an appropriate address....

I need more action in my life. Beth and I are going to Helen on Saturday for a few hours just to do something. I'm waking up early tomorrow to do something physically active, even if it's only walking up and down the hills of my apartment complex. I'm considering signing up for some sort of ballroom dance lessons. I think I'm going to take advantage of LA Fitness's New Year's membership discounts and finally join a gym.

I've renewed my passion for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

"Nothing that I can do will change the structure of the universe. But maybe, by raising my voice, I can help the greatest of all causes -- good will among men and peace on earth."
-Albert Einstein

Christmas Cards

Ok, for the approximately 4.4 of you that read my blog, I am finally going to mail Christmas cards this year. If you are interested in receiving one, kindly e-mail me your address (alison.boggsatgmail.com) so that my card knows where you live and how to find its way to you.

I'm getting into this Christmas spirit -- I baked cookies a few weeks ago and today I brought in chocolate chip muffins. I'm determined to send Christmas cards and actually bake things from scratch. The "from scratch" part hasn't really happened yet but I've gotten in the habit of baking things at least. Sparky, I still have the cook book that you "lent" to me several years ago with a cookie recipe in it that will be recreating this year. Too bad you didn't permanently lend me your nut grinder, because I need to grind up the chocolate-covered espresso beans again....

Sunday's Ramblings

I saw Burn After Reading last night with Beth and Mike. It was good, though I was sleepy and a little antsy during parts. The Cohen brothers (sp?) didn't dissapoint. All in all it was a good movie.

I can't stop listening to What Can I Say by Brandi Carlile -- makes my head sway from side to side every time it plays on my iTunes list or on a CD in my car. Funny that I didn't pay attention to the words until like the 20th time I'd listened to it and in a generic way the words make sense for my life as well:

Written by Tim Hanseroth

Look to the clock on the wall
Hands hardly moving at all
I can't stand the state that I'm in
Sometimes it feels like the wall's closing in

Oh Lord what can I say
I'm so sad since you went away
Time time tickin' on me
Alone is the last place I wanted to be
Lord what can I say

Try and burn my troubles away
Drown my sorrow the same way
It seems no matter how hard I try
It feels like there's something just missing inside

Oh Lord what can I say
I'm so sad since you went away
Time time tickin' on me
Alone is the last place I wanted to be
Lord what can I say
Oh Lord what can I say

How many rules can I break
How many lies can I make
How many roads must I turn
To find me a place where the bridge hasn't burned

Oh Lord what can I say
I'm so sad since you went away
Time time tickin' on me
Alone is the last place I wanted to be

Oh Lord what can I say
I'm so sad since you went away
Time time tickin' on me
Alone is the last place I wanted to be
Lord what can I say
Oh Lord what can I say

It makes me oddly happy even though it seems to be a such a sad song wrapped up in dancing melody. There's something about Brandi Carlile that just hits me these days. Brandi Carlile and Patty Griffin.... my dream concert would headline both of them individually and then together at the end.

Today is one of my every other Sundays volunteering at Good Mews (cat shelter). Every time I go I want a cat more and more but I haven't found the right one for me just yet. Though Otis gave me a hug last week....

Music you should listen to

Brandi Carlile -- Josephine, The Story, Turpentine
L'Appuntamento -- From Ocean's 12 soundtrack
Mieka Pauley -- The Golden Room, Run, Marked Man, Hallelujah (only on video on youtube)
Holly Brook -- Like Blood Like Honey, Heavey

I also just finished Stephen King's "On Writing," which was fabulous. A must read if you enjoy writing in any capacity. Did you know that Stephen King and other writers have formed over the years some sort of a rock band? The Rockbottom Remainders -- Dave Barry on lead guitar, Ridley Pearson on bass, Barbara Kingsolver on keyboards, Robert Fulgham on mandolin, and backup singers The Dixie Cups: Kathi Kamen, Tad Bartimus, and Amy Tan. They were supposed to perform two shows at the American Booksellers Convention, get a few laughs, and that would be it. But the band never really broke up and they went on tour and wrote a book about it. They still play sometimes, now with Mitch Albom on keyboards and a few other newcomers.

I had read a reference to this band in sort of an autobiography by Amy Tan about her musings and philosophies, The Opposite of Fate. To hear about it again in another book and now to know they wrote a book about the band's tour, I must find that book!

*pause*

It is apparently called "Mid-Life Confidential: The Rock Bottom Remainders Tour America with Three Chords and an Attitude" It is out of print but I am sticking it on my online christmas list as a suggestion for certain family members as something that I desperately need at:

http://www.yourlistonline.com/showLists.php?listID=3888

Ok, shameless plug done. It's not so much that I want everyone to know what I want for christmas, it's just so much easier to make a list and put it online somewhere where my family members can readily access it instead of asking me over and over again what I want for Christmas, asif I'm being interrogated for murder and they're trying to see if my story changes....

See, I'm still more excited about Christmas than Thanksgiving. But Thanksgiving IS closing the gap a bit -- Friendsgiving may indeed happen this year!!!

Dr. Horrible, wrapping presents, and curry

This will be a random, rambling post. If you are not a fan of that variety of writing, I encourage you to stop and find something more palatable to your reading tastes on the internet. You might start at http://margaretandhelen.wordpress.com/ =)

I just found out about something called Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, which sounds amazing. Apparently it stars Neil Patrick Harris, among others. I attempted to watch the video right here at work but was unfortunately detained by buffering issues. Nonetheless, I'm excited to find out why other people like it.

Glenda just called and we're going to wrap presents at Barnes & Noble on Dec. 7th, which combines several of my favorite things at once: BOOK STORE, wrapping presents, hanging out with Glenda, AND helping out Good Mews (which is what we're wrapping presents for).

In more random news, work bought my lunch today, massaman curry (yum) and being the small child that I am, I accidentally dipped my shirt sleeve in the beige/yellow curry....

I'm actually getting things done in my apt. I can now walk around my bedroom almost without tripping over something once. The work continues this evening. I have also almost mustered up enough will power to wake up early tomorrow and work out before I go to work. We'll see how that one goes....

Just finished reading "In the Time of Butterflies" which was a great book but left me feeling very depressed. It didn't help that I wasn't particularly happy anyway and had just watched the episode of Ally McBeal (via www.surfthechannel.com) where Billy dies in Ally's arms. I'd never seen the episode before, only heard to it alluded in future episodes. So Billy dying coupled with my already sad state with "Butterflies" was not a good combination. A little West Wing did me some good at home.

I've made a new friend thorugh Beth, Mike, who called West Wing something akin to "insanely liberal" after he watched part of an episode that aired on what I assume was Bravo a few weeks ago. I didn't say anything because it is very liberal but.... there's so much more there. In a tv show that depicts the goings on of the White House and its staff, it really has to pick one side or the other. There is either a Republican or a Democrat in power and that's how the show really has to play out. I think the saddest thing is that if the show had had a Republican president in power and running the country, the show probably wouldn't have worked. The West Wing tends to mirror real life or recent life and the West Wing was often mirroring the Bill Clinton era. The West Wing isn't just liberal -- it's about ideas and talking about them. I just don't see that from a conservative side. And maybe that's my own fault and not the conservatives -- maybe I'm just so disenfranchised from that part of the political spectrum over these last several years that I can't see anything positive there. Maybe I only look at things in stereotypes, which is very hypocritical when I complain that people stereotype liberalism. I guess, in the end, it was disheartening to see a show I love so much ignored by someone because it IS liberal. (And I'm not saying that Mike is a flaming conservative -- if I recall, he identifies best with Libertarianism. ) There is so much else going on in that show. There is excellent acting, hope, optimism, a discussion of political ideas, a scrutiny of a fairly mystic profession, and quality. Even if you disagree with the show's politics, you can't deny that it is a quality show that people put a lot of work into. There is magic there. I suppose that's why I love the show so much, why I want to own all the episodes on DVD -- so that when there is nothing else on television I can flip in a disc and put it on in the background as I go about my business. It's comforting to me.

You don't have to love the West Wing -- it can be very dry and boring at times and if you don't have the resolve to sit and watch an entire episode from beginning to end, this show is not for you. If you walk in the middle through channel surfing, you're bound to walk in on the middle of a consersation between two people about something that you don't understand because you missed the first half, be bored, and move on.

Isn't it funny how defensive we (I) get when we find something we love that other people don't? I think my mom tries not to hurt my feelings sometimes when I tell her about something she needs to try or buy her something new that I've found. I have so much enthusiasm for the things that I love. And when I find something new that I love, I feel the need to tell the whole world, because if I love something obviously everyone else should love it too. It's not like people have different tastes.... =)

I apologize for the rambling for any of you still reading but I seem to have the need to ramble as of late. I stopped writing for a great deal of time and I don't know why. Even worse, I seem to have bottled everything up in that period of time instead of letting it out. So even though the writing in this post and others and others to come in the future could be considered subpar, bear with me. I need to get back in the habit of just letting things go, putting things out there, putting things down on paper. It's been so long, I've almost forgotten how to do it.

Almost....

Christmas Before Thanksgiving

I've been looking forward to Christms a lot this year, which is a reversal for me. Thanksgiving is my favorite of all favorite holidays but I've been focusing on Christmas. I suppose it all began when I started thinking about people's Christmas gifts in July and August.

I hate Christmas shopping in December. Retails stores are always trying desperately to sell you products that your family members and friends would like desperately not to have to return. How many electric shavers can a dad want? If your mom wears perfume, doesn't she already have some? How many pictures frames with "sister" or "dad" or "mom" or "family" can you buy for your family members? And surely most people now already own a really expensive wine wine opener.... Plus, I always seem to find exactly what I want for someone 4 days before Christmas but I have to order it online. And there is no way to buy something 4 days before Christmas and expect it to arrive in time, even if you do pay a million dollars to ship it.

So I've been buying everything early. All the gifts are in a big plastic container in my apartment, just waiting to be wrapped and given. There is also the added bonus that I have bought these over time so there shouldn't be checking account shock in December this year.

I think one of the reasons I'm excited about Christmas is also because for Thanksgiving this year it's only my parents and me. No one else is coming and my parents are disinclined to cook for just the three of us. And I suppose lately I'm having a hard time being grateful.

Oh, I'm grateful for the physical and monetary things in my life. I'm grateful for family. But I'm so dissapointed in so many things and so many people that I find myself wanting to gloss over Thanksgiving this year. Normally, I'm most thankful for people and this year I find myself having a hard time being grateful.

This is not because all of my friends are awful or anything. If anything, I've been an awful friend to so many people. I've been forgetting to call Toby when it's not midnight for so long that I've taken to keeping a giant post-it note tacked onto my laptop with "CALL TOBY" written on it in thick, red Sharpie and underlined several times to further the point.

Last night I talked to my sister (twin) on the phone for almost two hours. This might not seem out of the ordinary to you, but I think the last time we talked on the phone may have been a month or two ago and the time before that as far removed as this one. We covered the full gamut of topics including politics, religion, abortion, sex, Christmas, Thanksgiving, family, the environment, our jobs, the future, etc. Every time we thought to get off the phone, one of us would ramble on about a new subject and then the phone conversation would last another 20 minutes.... until it was truly time to just get off the phone and go to sleep. I meant to get so much done last night but I can't complain about talking to my sister.

I'm just not grateful this year; I'm pessimistic. I'm doubtful. I wish Thanksgiving was in another part of the year this year so that it could just come at any other time than now. This whole entry might not make sense to anyone, and for that I apologize.

Mr. Bean on Telemundo

I was flipping through tv channels just now and came across Mr. Bean on Telemundo. I'm not entirely certain that a 10 or 15-year-old British television show comes across very well on the "Spanish" channel but it was entertaining. In particular, I loved that no one speaks on that show -- no translation necessary. While this may have been a smart production call, I still question the appropriateness of the show. British humor is very different from American and Latin humor.

I hope that the above statements don't sound.... prejudiced. Let me know if you think they are and that I need some sort of judgmental adjustment.

I'm watching Must Love Dogs now and wondering how to spend my evening. There is an endless list of things for me to get done. My apt is not in a presentable state; I'm a little ashamed when people come over. But I can always fix that and I can always make it better.

Joshua Bell: Live and In Person

Last night I marveled in the glory of Joshua Bell and his lovely Strad. I bought tickets for my parents as well and we scurried into our upper balcony second-to-last row seats just as Robert Spano stepped onto the stage. After careful strategic planning, we met from three different directions at 285 to drive in one car. Sadly, we were victims of traffic due to an accident on 85S.

Aaron Copleand's Appalachian Spring was first. I knew I'd heard it somewhere in the back of my mind the entire time it was playing, like seeing an old friend after so many years. Listening, I kept hoping that Simple Gifts was part of the piece. There was a repetition of the melody that is called.....Goodness, I'm forgetting my musical terminology! The melody played in various instruments throughout out the orchestra, each instrument/section playing it and passing it along. The melodies also wove together and on top of each other, which is referred to in music by a specific term that escapes me at the present. All of my piano and violin teachers over the years would be apalled at this.... As I kept listening, I knew that eventually the entire string section would play the melody together slowly and as sort of a recap before ending the piece. I came to see Joshua Bell but in Copeland I got to savor all the memories of music from my life -- Simple Gifts has been a favorite song of mine since elementary school.

And then, Joshua Bell! These last few months I'm always stressed out about something and it was a wonderful gift to be so relaxed. The almost two hours of the symphony went by so quickly -- even Mom said at the end of the Bartok of the 2nd half, "is that all?" She echoed my sentiments.

Mom and I waited in line to have a CD signed (a CD we bought while in line.) I had used half my $20 to pay for parking while we were rushing in, so I only had enough for the $20 CD. Mom found a $10 in her purse. With our money powers combined, we bought a CD. We were almost at the end of the line and I marveled at how Joshua kept his composure. He came out what seemed immediately after the performance to sign CDs and pose for pictures so that as many people as possible could interact with him/buy CDs before intermission ended. Mom and I missed the first two movements of the Bartok waiting in line but it was worth it. As we stepped up, I was caught up in how relaxed he was. And patient. His smile was very kind and I couldn't do anything but look him in the eye and smile and say thankyou -- twice, once before and once after he signed the CD and mom had him sign the insert. I wasn't starstruck, only aware that there seemed to be very little I could tell him that he hadn't heard -- that he is a phenomenol musician, etc. I could have gushed. But I only looked him in the eye and smiled, giving thanks.

I wish I could have had something more to say but there were other people in line. I couldn't imagine pressing for more time with him after he had so much careful patience for every person in line.

Lyndsey, if he goes to Bloomington or DC or NY we should go see him. Maybe between now and then I can think of something better to say than "thank you" =)

Alaska

Be happy Sparky, I'm going to talk about Alaska =)

For maybe the only person in the world who doesn't know that I went to Alaska for Philip's wedding, here we go!

[Note: for those of you unfamiliar with my nickname terminology, I sometimes address people in my life as "Sparky"; While in college, Philip in return started calling me Sparky and we've been calling each other Sparky ever since. Others have taken up this mantle and call me Sparky as well and I will respond to them in kind when addressed as "Sparky." For the purposes of this post, however, "Sparky" shall be in reference to a certain Philip Walters. This is my nickname for him -- if you want to call him something other than Philip, come up with your own nickname. As his lovely wife, Jamie is the only person who is exempt from this Sparky rule should she be inclined to also call him Sparky =)]

Anyway....

Sparky told me that he was going to propose -- I told him I would do whatever I could to be at his wedding. He told me, don't worry, I won't be getting married till a year from this summer, giving me plenty of time to save for the trip. To no surprise to me, he later told me he was engaged. What was surprising was that he was going to get married a the end of this summer. I'm not going to lie, I had a moment of panic. But hey, that's what stimulus checks are for.... I have to thank the U.S. Government for the trip of a lifetime. Without their generous $600 support, I would not have been able to finance my trip to Alaska and see Philip marry the love of his life.

And with that, I am tired. Tune in next time for actual details about my Alaska trip, including what actually happened as opposed to the details involved pre-trip.....

Small Victories

I'm always talking or thinking about changing my life, about making better changes, about getting out of ruts. I always feel like I'm wishing I was a better person, more organized, got more sleep, was a better friend, that I wasn't lazy, that I wasn't late to anything, etc.

Today I woke up early and went to Kauffman Tire -- got my oil changed, tail light replaced, alignment done, two tires replaced (I have been putting this off). I did a little extra groccery shopping. I then went back to my apartment and met Beth there. I watched football with her and made lunch -- fajita chicken salad. I cooked the chicken and chopped all the veggies and laid everything out buffet-style for people to pick their toppings.

Last weekend I finally hung some paintings and did some more organizing. I cleaned out part of my car. Today I set up my wireless router and installed wireless capabilities on my desktop computer and am typing this via a wireless secured connection from my laptop. I reogranized my files and did laundry.

These activities may sound mundane and general, but they are the things I never get done. Despite my best intentions, I do not get things done. I'm working on it. Monday is for getting things dry cleaned and alterations done to all the pants I've bought that are too long for me to wear without being hemmed....

I feel lost

I feel a little lost lately. Like I don't really know where my life is going, that I'm just sort of floundering. I'm a spectator in my own life. I'm always thinking I'm going to enact change and then.... here I am, still wanting to enact change.

I finally hung a few painting at my apartment; that was a start. I also became a notary (only took me 2 1/2 years).

Whatever. I must be the change I want to see in the world. Yeah yeah, Gandhi, I know....

I open the forum to the multitudes. How can I better my life? Seriously, I want suggestions. I spend 3 hours every two weeks cleaning/loving at a cat shelter. Any other charitable/non-profit organizations you think I should get involved with?

How is everyone else physically active? What is a good use of spare time? What can I do that is productive when I'm bored at work?

I need direction. Someone give me a few compass points.....

College Football Picks for the Day

And, here are my picks for today's college football games. I'll admit, some of them seem a long shot based on the statistics, but maybe I just have a feeling....

No. 1 Texas at No. 7 Texas Tech: Texas Tech

Arkansas State at No. 2 Alabama: Alabama

Nebraska at No. 4 Oklahoma: Oklahoma

Washington at No. 5 USC: Washington
(this pick is more out of hope because USC should not get a free pass for the rest of the season when their one loss was badly to Oklahoma St.

No. 8 Florida vs. No. 6 Georgia: Geogia
(but then, when would I not pick Georgia?)

Iowa State at No. 9 Oklahoma State: Oklahoma State

No. 10 Utah at New Mexico: New Mexico

No. 11 Boise State at New Mexico State: Boise State

No. 13 TCU at UNLV: UNLV

No. 14 Missouri at Baylor: Missouri

No. 15 Florida State at Georgia Tech: Georgia Tech

Northwestern at No. 17 Minnesota: Minnesota

No. 18 Tulsa at Arkansas: Arkansas

Tulane at No. 19 LSU: LSU

No. 20 BYU at Colorado State: Colorado State

Wisconsin at No. 21 Michigan State: Wisconsin

No. 23 South Florida at Cincinnati: Cincinnati

No. 24 Oregon at California: California

West Virginia at No. 25 Connecticut: West Virginia