Ultimate Rejection letter

The Ultimate Rejection Letter
Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109
Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then. Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

Reading Paulo Coelho and Hot Library Smut

Though I am constantly buying both new and used books, I am not a constant reader. It's like I forget I can read in getting so caught up in acquiring books. They make me happy just by being here, just by being published. Bookstores are quiet sanctuaries to me -- places of peace.

I just finished Tuesday Erotica Club which sounds like erotic literature but isn't. The book discusses sex a bit but the story is really about 4 different women in a writing club and their lives. Now I'm on to By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho.

I remember the first time I saw Beauty and the Beast (the animated film). The library in the Beast's mansion was heaven. I could never imagine having that many books to read. And so I identified best with Belle than any other Disney "Princess" because we both had long brown hair, and liked to sing, and LOVED books. And, like her, I always found myself very misunderstood by the general public.

My dream library in the mansion I will never have includes a library almost identical to the one in Beauty and the Beast -- all hardback or leatherbound books. Books on top of books from floor to ceiling with those ceiling-high climbing ladders attached to the bookshelves for easy access.

I thought I may never see anything like that library but it seems that even Disney gets its inspiration from somewhere.

http://thenonist.com/index.php/thenonist/permalink/hot_library_smut/

The above is HAUGHT. Some of the prettiest libraries in the world. I thought I had enough reasons to want to travel the world -- turns out I only perpetually add to the stack. I must go to these libraries.

I realized randomly tonight why I don't like being around drunk people. Losing control is such a giant fear of mine and the idea of being drunk has never appealed to me. It's like not being able to be myself. And when other people are drunk, it's like I can't see them anymore. I just have to wait until they come back. You'd think that something awful had happened to me involving alcohol but nothing ever has. Maybe one too many after school specials about the issues involving drinking got to me as a kid as there was no alcohol in my parents' house.

That being said, I don't have a problem when people drink. But it makes me afraid.

A Bird

Kim, the receptionist, called me from her desk today after lunch. "There's a bird that flew into the window!"

She called me up to the front to take a look and see if I could help it, first asking me if I was afraid of birds. I don't normally consider myself an expert on birds, but I went to the front to see what I could do.

The bird was lying on the ground on its side and breathing heavily. When I approached it, it didn't seem to notice my presence. Even though Sam was on the other side of the door telling me not to touch it, I lightly stroked its head. It made no sign that it knew of my presence. I stood outside with it for a while staring at it, praying.

Sam was joking that I was just staring at a bird but I didn't want to leave it. Kim and I monitored the bird's progress for a while. Eventually, without warning, it rolled onto its feet and sat straight up, eyes closed. It stayed that way for two hours, occasionally opening and closing its beak or slightly moving its wings.

Just as Kim called me to tell me my boss was fine with me taking it to a wildlife sanctuary in a TG box, Joel was outside moving it into the bushes by sliding a newspaper under it. Complete with glove, Joel moved the bird. As he did the moment was priceless. The bird opened its eyes for the first time that we had noticed and turned its head to watch Joel as he moved him. He fluttered his wings a bit and flew/fell slowly into the bushes. Joel was met by a round of applause/happy noises from the haphazard group of employees assembled at the front of the building to watch.

Joel is the hero of the day.

I heart Starbucks

I love walking into any Starbucks and ordering an iced, tall, sugar-free hazlenut latte. I love even more that the person behind the register will almost never look at me like I'm crazy.

Because having worked behind the coffee counter for several years myself, I know that there are far crazier people out there with much stranger requests than the drink above. Some people might think I order oddly-specific drinks -- but having my drink the way I want it is habit from working in coffee for so long. Just imagine having an unlimited amount of coffee drink ingredients at your disposal for free. When there's downtime at work, you can experiment with drinks and find out what you truly like. Then you get used to making those personalized drinks yourself on every shift for free. Later, when you no longer work at a coffee shop, you still want the same drinks. And when you're paying someone else to make something that used to be free, you want that drink to be perfect.

I'll admit it -- I'm a coffee snob. No excuses or denial about it. Which brings me back to my original point. Not all Starbucks are made the same but the company itself is not franchised -- there are systems for everything and the company's goal is to let you have the same cup of coffee or drink however you want it anywhere there is a Starbucks in the world. Theoretically, this is true. There are Starbucks I will not go back to without careful persuasion but generally I trust any Starbucks location.

Some people hate this about Starbucks. They think that it takes away from the local coffee shops and their elusive charm. Having worked at Starbucks, the obvious big chain, and Jittery Joes, the local college-town coffee shop, I have seen both worlds. I have observed that there are pluses and minuses to both but I can't deny Starbucks efficiency. They truly do have a system for anything. There are even entire teams of people who work for the company whose sole job is to walk into the office each day and come up with better systems and more efficient ways for Starbucks employees to get things done. A better way to clean something, a faster way to make whipped cream, a new coffee roast, new pastries, a new employee login system -- you name it, they think about ways to make it better. New chairs for the dining area, a better timing system to make sure the cream is always fresh, new ways to arrange the chairs, better decorative systems. And you can see their work even if you hate Starbucks -- it is flawless when you walk in in terms of atmosphere. I feel at home at Starbucks. It's my third place (you'd have to have worked there to understand that statement.)

Plus, to understand Starbucks and the environment, you need to understand how coffee is grown. Many of the perfect coffee beans are grown in semi-shade environments. In short, Starbucks needs the rain forest to not dissapear. So for everyone I've ever heard that Starbucks is bad for the environment, know that they are dedicated to preserving their core product. The company itself may not be a protector of the environment for the right reasons, butyou can't fault the company for not paying to attention to the environment.

I know, I know, this blog entry is reading like an ad to rejuvanate Starbucks' dwindling profits, but I promise you I have no agenda. I just love Starbucks and coffe. I want to go back to Europe now that I actually drink coffee. I want to sit in all the little cafes in Italy and France and just absorb everything and write and write and write. Except I feel like I'm already too old for that. Maybe I just need to spend a few months in Europe to get that experience. Maybe I can find a way to make being in Europe a job. Everyone wants to go to Europe and just write but maybe I can find a way to actually do it.

I'm rambling. I'm only writing this because I need to practice writing. Maybe one day if I write enough I'll be a pro at editing my rambling.

General Statement to the World

I've realized as of late that my mannerisms or the way I argue or the image I portray to the world comes across as "I am never wrong." I suppose, argues the part of me that loves to give excuses, that this is in small part due to the fact that I only generally argue when I truly feel I am right, not just for argument's sake or to be right. I have so little self confidence these days but I still manage to be firm about the things I think I'm right about.

I'm rambling and this idea was so much clearer when I thought about making this post, but this is a public apology to anyone who ever thought I wasn't open to reason, listening. That is my fault -- for making you think that I thought I couldn't be wrong. This is my apology for every time I failed to listen. This is my statement that I will do my best to listen rather than dismiss the ideas or opinions of others. I can be wrong; I'm wrong a lot in my life. I try to be a good person, I try to avoid errors, I try to live my life correctly, I try not to hurt anyone else, I try to be there for my friends, I try to grow as a person, but I make mistake after mistake after mistake. I'm wrong a lot in my life.

I apologize -- I am not always right.

Olympics in China

I'll admit I may have been caught up in all the media hype, but I am currently uninterested in the 2008 Summer Olympics to be held in China.

I know I should face the matter with a little more skepticism -- is all of the reporting about China true? Have human rights violations increased since they lobbied for the games 7 years ago? Was Tibet mishandled by the government? Is China censoring the web, its own people, and foriegn press by silencing any critics to put forth a message of harmony for these games?

As a result of everything I've heard, I just don't have any interest in the games. They've been marred for me. In fact, if the Chinese government is attempting to fix these problems, they're doing the opposite for me -- they're adding to my own indifference. Silencing critics is not a way to deal with their criticism. Fix what's broken or show how critics are wrong.

I suppose there's also an additional concern -- how do I know when media outlets are lying?

Anymore

I have always considered myself a guilty person -- not that I am always wrong or that I perpetually make mistakes, but I seem to carry my errors around with me. I loathe the past things I cannot change and feel, well, guilty. I was telling a friend that I always seem to be lost potential -- that I could have been good at so many things and a better person if I'd only applied myself. He told me that the past was never meant to be a record of our mistakes.

When I was growing up, I never wanted to grow up. But I wish someone had told me that it was worth doing, that we're always learning, always growing. That we get better as we get older. The "growing up" part can be difficult but that is what makes it worth it. Every day I can be a
better version of myself. I can look back on all of my past mistakes and flaws and say, See, I'm better than I was. For all the times that I failed people as friends and my seeming inability at times to communicate, the walls I build and my own self-consciousness, being judgmental and being afraid, avoiding conflict -- I don't have to be any of those things anymore.

This may not be an earth-shattering idea, but it's comforting nonetheless.