Anymore

I have always considered myself a guilty person -- not that I am always wrong or that I perpetually make mistakes, but I seem to carry my errors around with me. I loathe the past things I cannot change and feel, well, guilty. I was telling a friend that I always seem to be lost potential -- that I could have been good at so many things and a better person if I'd only applied myself. He told me that the past was never meant to be a record of our mistakes.

When I was growing up, I never wanted to grow up. But I wish someone had told me that it was worth doing, that we're always learning, always growing. That we get better as we get older. The "growing up" part can be difficult but that is what makes it worth it. Every day I can be a
better version of myself. I can look back on all of my past mistakes and flaws and say, See, I'm better than I was. For all the times that I failed people as friends and my seeming inability at times to communicate, the walls I build and my own self-consciousness, being judgmental and being afraid, avoiding conflict -- I don't have to be any of those things anymore.

This may not be an earth-shattering idea, but it's comforting nonetheless.