Conquering the Elliptical Machine

I've been a coward. I admit it.

I have been afraid of my apartment complex gym. I'm was afraid of walking in the dark early morning hours by myself. I was afraid of the other people who may be there and what they might think of me and my workout routine and my obvious newness to working out and well...what they think in general. I was afraid of the gym equipment, in particular the elliptical machine. No matter what I've done, I cannot seem to figure out how that damn machine works and how not to fall off of it. This led to fears of not being able to use the elliptical machine when other people were around, a fear linked to my previous listed fear.

Now, I know what you're thinking. The other people could care less. If I'm that afraid of walking in the dark, just drive. These are simple solutions that just didn't fit logically into my thinking at the time. Because even though I know deep down inside that the other people don't care, I still don't want them there while I'm exercising. Even though I could drive, there could be an attacker lurking in the darkness to maim me in the simple 15 foot walk to the gym.

But no more. I'm tired of living in silly fears that are really only excuses for me not to wake up earlier than I have to and exert myself physically. I've been mildly successful at waking up and accomplishing this over the last few weeks but this morning was a little different. I lay in bed after hitting snooze on my alarm and refused to allow myself to go back to sleep. I lay in bed and forced myself to be awake. In my warm, comfortable, cozy bed, I forced awakeness on my tired body. (It is important that you realize how much I love sleep and my bed and that doing this to myself must be the result of a certain amount of personal reflection and forced discipline and perhaps even a new wave of thought and outlook on life for me in order for me to accomplish this.)

Not only did I wake up early and go to the gym. Not only did I do it in semi-darkness. I also did not shy away from the building when there was a girl already in there running on a treadmill, looking like an Olympic athlete and making me feel like a sloth. I also surveyed the room of available equipment and, despite her encroaching presence in my subconscious, went immediately to the elliptical machine. I stepped on cautiously but with bravado. I was determined that even if I fell off, I would, so to speak, climb back onto this electric horse and tame it -- and in the process, relinquish my fear.

It was a bit awkward at first but when I stopped thinking about it, my legs and arms moved in a seamless balance and grace that almost felt like no movement, save the aching in my arms and legs and my heavy breathing. The room felt brighter (no, not just the rising sun), the air felt cleaner (no, not just the feeling of exercise), and the world was a better place. This may seem like the tiniest of tiny things but for me in my little world, this was victory.

A smaller victory from this week was me being the Atlanta office champion for our company-wide Connect 4 tournament. In the coming weeks my skills will be tested in inter-office play. With my resounding workout victory to boost my confidence, I am a force to be reckoned with. They'll never know what hit them....