Your Belief Finds You

"The problem was I also no longer believed in God. Something had happened where Chariots of Gods had kind of been an occupying army in my head that had killed off the army that was God's army. And then when Rabi Smaller came in and killed off the Chariots of Gods’ army, there was just basically nothing left. I was basically a blank slate. I was a clean blackboard. And I have never found again any kind of religious faith since the time I was 14. I just don't believe in God. Every now and then someone who I'm close to who is Christian tries to tell me about Jesus. Whenever that happens, I've taken it very seriously and I have heard them out and I have looked at the bible and every time it's happened it's come down to this: that I find that I don't seem to have a choice over whether or not I believe in God. I simply find that I do not. And trying to force myself to believe – it would be like trying to convince yourself that you are in love with somebody who you're not in love with. Either you have faith or you don't, either you believe or don't. Your belief finds you and then you and it have each other. And once your faith is set, I think only the biggest kind of seismic event in your life can change that, even if you want to change it."
-Ira Glass, on “Faith” from the radio show This American Life, December 21, 2001

I should be doing anything other than what I'm doing at the moment. Packing, cleaning, organizing, sleeping, spending time with friends while I still can. But I was listening to an old episode of This American Life at work today from 2001 and loved the intro by Ira Glass, particularly the part about forcing yourself to love someone you don't love and that your belief finds you and then you and it have each other. Personifying belief as a companion you find.

Reminds me of several books I've read as of late, though I'm not really sure why. The Celestine Prophecy; Eat, Pray, Love; and The Sharp Teeth of Love. One about human energy, one about balancing spirituality with pleasure and knowing yourself, and the other about finding yourself while talking to a ghost from the Donner Party. I mean, really what ties them all together spiritually is the cannibalism....